recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We left an ass print on the piano.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
