I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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