if i died would you start the facebook group?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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