I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
