Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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