i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
