THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
