i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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