so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize