The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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