I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
