If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
