Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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