margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
