There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
