You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
