dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think my moral compass just broke
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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