I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
