I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
