We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
