I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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