dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So many bounce houses so little time
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
