Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
