I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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