Dignity is for republicans.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
