At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
