So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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