i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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