Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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