Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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