I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have aggressive nipples.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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