dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
