I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
