I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We're too hungover to prance.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
