Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
