Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
