she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
