for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
