pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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