I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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