he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
