Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
