o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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