i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
