Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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