Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
