its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
