Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
