I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
