He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
