How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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