New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
