The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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